i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
