there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
