I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
pray to the hookup gods
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
