Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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