turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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