john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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