found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
