3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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