the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize