i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
