Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
