oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
