Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
