you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
