wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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