Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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