so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
bring money and cleavage
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
