i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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