Who wears a wallet chain?!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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