Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
