unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
