I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There are leaves in my underwear?
tell me about the fingering
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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