You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
