there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think your dad took our porno
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
