how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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