No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
