Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So squirting runs in the family.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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