New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
