You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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