it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
