i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
