If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize