Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is wine microwaveable?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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