I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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