I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
