My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I could fuck to npr.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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