I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
