If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
