Porn is love you can see.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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