I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
