Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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