apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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