I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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