just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
