You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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