i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
