there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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