i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
