i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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