So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
