he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
