he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
