Duck Duck Cougar?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
