Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
