so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
