Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
