It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
