thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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