when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
