I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
