Fuck appropriateness.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
