I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
