I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
