Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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