i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
