This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
