You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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