five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
