i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
