I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
