I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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