I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
