the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
