hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you will always have a special place in my vag
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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