I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
