if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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