Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
